Thursday, January 8, 2009

Taking Refuge In Writing

So, it's 2009 eh?? The holidays and everything that goes along with them, mixed with my pain, have left me in a total state of exhaustion. I felt had to take some time off.

Obviously I haven't posted for awhile, which just reflects how my body has affected my ability to do so many things that I love to do. I have written my entire life, even have had one special professor at school in one of my many English classes, ask if he could utilize my MLA documented report, and our final assignment; as his new 'example' that would be used for his students. Funny that so many eyes have gazed into my view of Euthanasia over the last decade plus, and the owners of those eyes have no idea who I am, what I look like, what my life is.

The journals I've kept for 3 decades hold who I truly am, and I feel such release when I write. These will be the basis from which I will draw my memories when I need a memory jog--that will form the Memoir I am writing. (Personal note: Kindred Spirit, I AM writing a book!! And thanks for the suggestion that I do so, and your call of support in that!!) Many that have known me very intimately over my lifetime, have told me that I should write a book. They have known my past, my experiences, and tell me that it would make excellent reading. I don't care about being #1 or for that fact # anything on a best seller list, I just want to put out there a life that for some reason, has experienced very odd, very fantastic, different, varied, and deep experiences, that do deserve to be shared with others. I have heard so many tell me that my life is, and has been extremely interesting, and worth sharing. A book is something that of course takes time, my fellow writers all have their own 'methods' of when they write, how often, and when they take breaks, etc. It is a very personal journey, as is the journey that I am putting on paper for all to see someday.

Writing has always been a stress reliever for me. Ever been in therapy and been told to write a letter to someone but to never send it? That is done is Psychology to uncover the deep feelings we have about that certain person, knowing that we are not ever showing it to them; therefore, the holding-back feelings are gone that may accompany a letter written with the fear that they may see it. An exercise in honesty! And I for one, have wanted to send many of those types of letters, as I feel that openness and honesty is always the way I want to live my life. But I don't mess around with therapy. It's been awhile since my therapist said, "It's time for you to fly Shauna", which of course brought tears, a close to a very intense year of talking, reflecting, and just plain speaking my truths to an unbiased person.

So, I have flown, and I have landed quite a few times. To gain energy, take refuge in myself, those closest to me, those that give me support, help, and know what I am going through. This gives me the much-needed energy to take off again, and fly....to do what I must just to eat, have a roof over my head, and have some semblance of self. Attending school while I am doing all this has proved my character; one of perseverance, wanting to attain something and not letting my pain stop me from achieving my goal, no matter how long it takes.

I will write about that too...I just need to stay on the ground for awhile now.

My wings are so tired.

18 comments:

  1. Hi Shauna,
    I know how tired your wings must be. Please rest them (damage control, you see, because you still need them).

    Happy New Year to you. I think that writing a book would be an awesome idea. Keep us posted?
    Kathleen

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  2. From one wounded-winged writer to another I salute you! Half the battle is in knowing when to retreat. I completely understand needing to take time to yourself and it is in the interest of self-care to do it! Just know we are here, always at the ready when you need us.

    Gentle, peaceful days my friend,
    Maureen

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  3. Dear Kathleen,

    What a great way to think about out taking much-needed refuge...damage control for my wings!!! AWWWW that is so cute! (And true!)

    I WILL keep everyone up to date about the book, it has been started, and it is just a matter of sitting down and writing it---typing it---making it 'real' to others.

    Thanks for your wonderful comment and for stopping by!!

    Gentle Hugs,
    Shauna :-)

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  4. Dear Maureen,

    My fellow one-winged wounded writer...or is it a one-wounded-winged writer??? Wow we could have fun with that!! :-)

    Thank you so much for your giving me the feeling of being supported and carried by the large number of us 'buddies' who have met here in the world of pain/illness online. That means more to me than I can say. I know you understand the need for a rest!!

    Gentle Hugs my friend,
    Shauna :-)

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  5. Shauna your recognition of the need for your body to heal is first priority. Taking time off is so necessary for that healing. While I will miss your post, I will rest in the knowledge that you are taking care of you.

    You deserve to live as pain free as possible. If that means that you do not blog as frequently, then so be it. You are always right there for others. It is time to be there for Shauna.

    Deciding to share your life experiences is a big decision. I know how interesting your life is. Now, the rest of the world will see the courageous woman that we who know and love you see.

    Your Kindred Spirit

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  6. Resonation

    I think you will find a running theme in the minds of all bloggers. While sometimes I let my true emotions flow, other times I am seeking respite from daily stresses and fatigue ... both mental and physical. While it seems writers have the need to reach out and share, we all use the pen, so to speak, as therapy in our own ways.
    You can many times come across a post full of comical and silly themes at my blog, yet my initial focus was far from exactly those emotions. I find that the personna and personality I emulate will often take over, and rid myself of negativity.

    On the other side of the coin, sharing true and poignant thoughts strait from the mind without filter is something we all need to do sometimes. Seems as one writes "thoughts" ... they become more concise, and clear.
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.

    Best wishes and a big hug from Hollydale!

    SpeedyCat

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  7. Dear McKay,

    After being able to see clear enough to write this, (drying my tears took awhile), I thank you for just being YOU, and for giving me the HUGE support that I am so blessed with on this blog; through the other writers that also know what it is like to have very tired wings. And YOU know about tired wings my friend.

    You make a good point, and one that I do not write much about, (YOU know that), that I am there for others, and I do need to take time out for me. It's hard for me to do though, and I know you know that feeling also. It is sad to note that you guys (my fellow pain and close blogger friends), know me better than others in my life that 'should' know me that way!

    You are, and always will be so special to me. I am forever grateful our paths have crossed.

    Forever,

    Your Kindred Spirit

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  8. Dear Eric,

    Ah the man with such deep emotion...I am always so 'rested' to see you write from your heart, and I know there is a huge one in there!!

    It's true, us writers do take refuge in our writing of either silliness, (it truly does take away the stresses of the day), or our writing straight from the heart...I am glad to know that your writing works to help you so well to forget the seriousness of this world.

    Your blog has become one that I stop by so often just to get 'out' of the serious stuff, and rest in laughter, another emotion we must all enjoy. You have a fine way of writing, (DOH!), and I would LOVE to see a Speedycat # (what are you up to now?) #45(?) blog, that shows the more serious side of you, for your writing is truly so beautiful.

    I always love it when you stop by! You know how much it means to me. Thank you for your support Eric, I will always look for Speedycats speedy stops!!

    You provide a very important service for all of us in your blog, (oops--PAGE, LOL) that gives us a chance to forget the pain for even just a few minutes. It does more to the spirit than you may know.

    Hugs always,

    Shauna :-)

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  9. everything gets harder and slower with pain...sigh...sounds like you have a pretty balanced view of how much your body can handle, you will get there in the end :)

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  10. Dearest Caf,

    It may 'sound' like I know my limits, but there are those really odd days when my pain is a 9/10, and yet I will vacuum, or do some other idiotic activity that only exacerbates my pain even more. And don't ask me why!! ;-)

    I suppose we all try our best hun. You put it nicely, and oh so true, that "everything seems to get harder and slower with pain." I just need to learn to really honor that; slow down, and learn to rest! Oh, and I really need a laptop--what a difference that would make!!

    Gentle Hugs always,
    Shauna

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  11. Please take good care of yourself. It's so easy to overdo and not to realize it until too late.

    I honored your blog today with a Prémio Dardos award at my blog, which I will not give a link to according to your instructions. Thanks for being a bright light in the blogging world.

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  12. Hey Shauna
    Great post!
    Hope the new year brings time to heal and strength.
    Love your writing.
    Gary

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  13. I agree that writing can really help even if it hurts to write. I have Lupus and suffer pain constantly as well. I've been very lucky overall, but it still has an effect on my life. Short bursts of activity interspersed with long periods of rest are key. Take the rest you need when you can.

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  14. Shauna,

    My dearest name-sharer....I am SO humbled at being given an award from you!! Honey, YOU can leave a link anytime...just trying to get away from any advertising run-bys, you know. Thank you more than I can put into words right now. It means so much coming from a writer like you. I'm really trying to take care of myself...just seem to have my life in overload right now and can't take those breaks that are oh so needed!!

    Thank you again my friend, and I will stop by your place to see my award!! (blushing)...

    I wish you a low or no pain day,
    Always,
    Shauna

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  15. GARY!!!

    So glad to see you!! I have missed your 'place' for awhile now, and plan on being able to STOP my life long enough to stop by!!! :-)

    How are things going on the beach for you guys? Say hi to Mary for me, hope she is feeling well. I will get around to writing you back very soon!!

    Take good care, and thank you for caring,
    Shauna

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  16. Dear Virginia,

    Lady, you said it all!!! It IS key to take rest periods...but what do 'we' do when there is not that time to be found??

    I hope that your pain is low or none today...and I thank you for coming by and sharing with me. It is meaningful to hear that I am not alone. Thank you.

    Shauna

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  17. Virginia Lady (via Shauna), it's good to cross paths with you here. I have lupus too, and this blog is a comforting place to come, a place, something like "Cheers," "where everybody knows your pain."

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  18. Ahh Shauna,

    Leave it up to you to find my 'missing comments'!! Thanks!! And I'm working on my LIST, (15!??!), LOL-- for the award post.

    Kisses <3

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