Taking Refuge In Writing

So, it's 2009 eh?? The holidays and everything that goes along with them, mixed with my pain, have left me in a total state of exhaustion. I felt had to take some time off.

Obviously I haven't posted for awhile, which just reflects how my body has affected my ability to do so many things that I love to do. I have written my entire life, even have had one special professor at school in one of my many English classes, ask if he could utilize my MLA documented report, and our final assignment; as his new 'example' that would be used for his students. Funny that so many eyes have gazed into my view of Euthanasia over the last decade plus, and the owners of those eyes have no idea who I am, what I look like, what my life is.

The journals I've kept for 3 decades hold who I truly am, and I feel such release when I write. These will be the basis from which I will draw my memories when I need a memory jog--that will form the Memoir I am writing. (Personal note: Kindred Spirit, I AM writing a book!! And thanks for the suggestion that I do so, and your call of support in that!!) Many that have known me very intimately over my lifetime, have told me that I should write a book. They have known my past, my experiences, and tell me that it would make excellent reading. I don't care about being #1 or for that fact # anything on a best seller list, I just want to put out there a life that for some reason, has experienced very odd, very fantastic, different, varied, and deep experiences, that do deserve to be shared with others. I have heard so many tell me that my life is, and has been extremely interesting, and worth sharing. A book is something that of course takes time, my fellow writers all have their own 'methods' of when they write, how often, and when they take breaks, etc. It is a very personal journey, as is the journey that I am putting on paper for all to see someday.

Writing has always been a stress reliever for me. Ever been in therapy and been told to write a letter to someone but to never send it? That is done is Psychology to uncover the deep feelings we have about that certain person, knowing that we are not ever showing it to them; therefore, the holding-back feelings are gone that may accompany a letter written with the fear that they may see it. An exercise in honesty! And I for one, have wanted to send many of those types of letters, as I feel that openness and honesty is always the way I want to live my life. But I don't mess around with therapy. It's been awhile since my therapist said, "It's time for you to fly Shauna", which of course brought tears, a close to a very intense year of talking, reflecting, and just plain speaking my truths to an unbiased person.

So, I have flown, and I have landed quite a few times. To gain energy, take refuge in myself, those closest to me, those that give me support, help, and know what I am going through. This gives me the much-needed energy to take off again, and fly....to do what I must just to eat, have a roof over my head, and have some semblance of self. Attending school while I am doing all this has proved my character; one of perseverance, wanting to attain something and not letting my pain stop me from achieving my goal, no matter how long it takes.

I will write about that too...I just need to stay on the ground for awhile now.

My wings are so tired.