I have received a load of emails recently from others that have chronic pain also. I am just so amazed at the amount of people that apparently have read my blog writings and musings, and been touched enough to write and share their stories with me.
THIS is why I started my blog. To just touch that ONE person in pain, or someone who just was diagnosed with chronic pain or learned of why they are always feeling so lousy. To even learn the reason behind the pain alone is a true blessing, as many have no actual diagnosis, no explanation why they are feeling pain in their body. That is one tough thing to deal with.
As I hear from others in pain, and write back to them; I realize that my mission has been accomplished. I just want to reach the right people! Those that will take something away from my posts and feel (maybe) not so alone. I know that when I met the first person in my life who suffered with daily pain, I felt as if I had made an immediate best friend.
Those that I meet online who share the same issues as me, who I have not met in person, (yet!), 'get' me. They are 'sisters' and 'brothers' in pain with me. We understand each other. We can chat online and immediately know what the other is truly feeling.
It will be one year for me next month that I began blogging. I began this journey on another site on Feb. 22nd, of last year, and moved here in April. I can't believe how time has flown by. Some of the most special people I've ever met in my life have been since starting my blog,and they have become some of my closest online friends. One of them is my "Kindred Spirit". We both knew right off the bat that we shared way too much in common to be anything else but that.
Have you ever heard the saying that, "A person will come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime"? Well these special people that share my daily pain and truly understand it, are now all 3 of these to me. The reason was to let me know that I am not alone...the season will be each and every one that we go through each year, and the lifetime is just that. All of us will not part ways through our lives. We all know it, we share pain, one of the deepest and most alarming sensations to experience in the human body, and we together share the fact that we feel this sensation daily in our bodies.
We are all bound together for life. Whether we ever meet in person, or continue to know each other online thanks to this wonderful newfangled equipment called the computer and the web, those of us that feel this pain are in it together--for a lifetime.
That is all I ever wanted from writing this blog. To touch just one person. Looks like I got lucky!!
I wish you that know what it is like to live life with pain, a low or tolerable pain day and evening. Of course, the goal is to feel no pain. But let's get real...I write in truths, and that is wishful thinking for the majority of chronic pain patients! At least in my case...for it is always there...lurking in the background when it is not the star of my day. I'll take the lurker over the star. Of course, we would all take the NO pain....if it is ever to be found. For an hour, for ten minutes, for a moment. It is so welcome, yet rarely materializes.
And our lives go on, regardless of this familiar entity in our lives called PAIN. We persevere. We move ahead. We work on our goals. We LIVE with the pain. LIVE! And I believe we all do it-- very, very well !!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
How Amazing This Pain Truly Is
It's 2:30 a.m., and this day seems as if it will never end! Just one of 'those' days.
I really need some good sleep and some time on the heating pad. I wish so much for a laptop so I could do so much more writing with the help of that heat and in a better position. I think this 'ergonomic' chair is not so friendly anymore. As a commenter said, it is so imperative to take those needed breaks. And in my reply, I wondered: "But what if those breaks are not to be found?" Ah, a true dilemma!
What do we, those with pain in our lives every day; do when the actual time that we know we need to be taking a break is not there? I think I found an answer. Like so much in the life of a chronic pain person, we FIND WAYS to deal with it, we are innovative, and we are smart.
You can find me in stores sometimes, literally hanging at the waist, not only to look at the products on the bottom shelves, (as my knees with 2 surgeries and arthritis have gone out for squatting long ago), but also just to get my body in whatever position I can, in whatever place I am, into anything that will take the pressure off my back. My freind laughs at me, but with sadness at the same time when I do that, knowing how much pain I must be in. I just have to laugh along with her, knowing that I look odd, but anyone that really knows me knows that I don't care one bit what anyone thinks.
What I'm trying to spit out here, is that wherever we find ourselves in pain, there is a way to relieve it-- just a bit at the least, by changing our body position. This may not be true for all of course, nothing is, as we all have our spots and places that hurt the most, or different ways of hurting.
When I was waiting for my meds the other night, I had two pillows I'd found on sale, put them on the pharmacy counter, and had my head on them, with my back in a swayed position. With Spinal Stenosis, there is no one way, flexing or extending, that will take the pressure off my spine. Having finally found the perfect analogy for my pain when watching a Discovery program the other night, (that is my next post), I realized that I am in quite a quandary when the pain hits, and I am not at home, have no place to actually lie down, (which doesn't always do as much good as many people think), and have no one with me to apply pressure that may help for a time.
So I stood there, my head down on the pillows on the counter, my butt back as far as possible, and my back flexed as far down as I could. Then extend. Then flex. I was doing a form of "Pharmacy Counter Pillow Yoga"!! The 'Cat' revised. Along with the hair hanging down while I stand in the aisles and hang at the waist, I must make quite the comedy show for the ever-watchful security cameras. No, I'm not stealing. I'm hurting. But they'd never know it I imagine, to watch me.
I sit here now, with my back in spasms, and we know that spasms follow pain, and pain follows spasms. So what do I do? Get into bed!! I'm finally in a place and a time when I can rest and do some good for my body.
We all must practice good body mechanics when we can. SO much easier said than done! But when possible, out in the world, away from your place and position you know is the ultimate BEST for your pain, try and experiment with different body postures. It does help, if even for a moment.
And a moment of no pain is better than one with it.
You'll find me in the aisles...the lady with her long hair hanging down, bent at the waist, just trying to achieve a moment of relief. And after decades of having pain, I still marvel....
How amazing this pain truly is!!
I really need some good sleep and some time on the heating pad. I wish so much for a laptop so I could do so much more writing with the help of that heat and in a better position. I think this 'ergonomic' chair is not so friendly anymore. As a commenter said, it is so imperative to take those needed breaks. And in my reply, I wondered: "But what if those breaks are not to be found?" Ah, a true dilemma!
What do we, those with pain in our lives every day; do when the actual time that we know we need to be taking a break is not there? I think I found an answer. Like so much in the life of a chronic pain person, we FIND WAYS to deal with it, we are innovative, and we are smart.
You can find me in stores sometimes, literally hanging at the waist, not only to look at the products on the bottom shelves, (as my knees with 2 surgeries and arthritis have gone out for squatting long ago), but also just to get my body in whatever position I can, in whatever place I am, into anything that will take the pressure off my back. My freind laughs at me, but with sadness at the same time when I do that, knowing how much pain I must be in. I just have to laugh along with her, knowing that I look odd, but anyone that really knows me knows that I don't care one bit what anyone thinks.
What I'm trying to spit out here, is that wherever we find ourselves in pain, there is a way to relieve it-- just a bit at the least, by changing our body position. This may not be true for all of course, nothing is, as we all have our spots and places that hurt the most, or different ways of hurting.
When I was waiting for my meds the other night, I had two pillows I'd found on sale, put them on the pharmacy counter, and had my head on them, with my back in a swayed position. With Spinal Stenosis, there is no one way, flexing or extending, that will take the pressure off my spine. Having finally found the perfect analogy for my pain when watching a Discovery program the other night, (that is my next post), I realized that I am in quite a quandary when the pain hits, and I am not at home, have no place to actually lie down, (which doesn't always do as much good as many people think), and have no one with me to apply pressure that may help for a time.
So I stood there, my head down on the pillows on the counter, my butt back as far as possible, and my back flexed as far down as I could. Then extend. Then flex. I was doing a form of "Pharmacy Counter Pillow Yoga"!! The 'Cat' revised. Along with the hair hanging down while I stand in the aisles and hang at the waist, I must make quite the comedy show for the ever-watchful security cameras. No, I'm not stealing. I'm hurting. But they'd never know it I imagine, to watch me.
I sit here now, with my back in spasms, and we know that spasms follow pain, and pain follows spasms. So what do I do? Get into bed!! I'm finally in a place and a time when I can rest and do some good for my body.
We all must practice good body mechanics when we can. SO much easier said than done! But when possible, out in the world, away from your place and position you know is the ultimate BEST for your pain, try and experiment with different body postures. It does help, if even for a moment.
And a moment of no pain is better than one with it.
You'll find me in the aisles...the lady with her long hair hanging down, bent at the waist, just trying to achieve a moment of relief. And after decades of having pain, I still marvel....
How amazing this pain truly is!!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Taking Refuge In Writing
So, it's 2009 eh?? The holidays and everything that goes along with them, mixed with my pain, have left me in a total state of exhaustion. I felt had to take some time off.
Obviously I haven't posted for awhile, which just reflects how my body has affected my ability to do so many things that I love to do. I have written my entire life, even have had one special professor at school in one of my many English classes, ask if he could utilize my MLA documented report, and our final assignment; as his new 'example' that would be used for his students. Funny that so many eyes have gazed into my view of Euthanasia over the last decade plus, and the owners of those eyes have no idea who I am, what I look like, what my life is.
The journals I've kept for 3 decades hold who I truly am, and I feel such release when I write. These will be the basis from which I will draw my memories when I need a memory jog--that will form the Memoir I am writing. (Personal note: Kindred Spirit, I AM writing a book!! And thanks for the suggestion that I do so, and your call of support in that!!) Many that have known me very intimately over my lifetime, have told me that I should write a book. They have known my past, my experiences, and tell me that it would make excellent reading. I don't care about being #1 or for that fact # anything on a best seller list, I just want to put out there a life that for some reason, has experienced very odd, very fantastic, different, varied, and deep experiences, that do deserve to be shared with others. I have heard so many tell me that my life is, and has been extremely interesting, and worth sharing. A book is something that of course takes time, my fellow writers all have their own 'methods' of when they write, how often, and when they take breaks, etc. It is a very personal journey, as is the journey that I am putting on paper for all to see someday.
Writing has always been a stress reliever for me. Ever been in therapy and been told to write a letter to someone but to never send it? That is done is Psychology to uncover the deep feelings we have about that certain person, knowing that we are not ever showing it to them; therefore, the holding-back feelings are gone that may accompany a letter written with the fear that they may see it. An exercise in honesty! And I for one, have wanted to send many of those types of letters, as I feel that openness and honesty is always the way I want to live my life. But I don't mess around with therapy. It's been awhile since my therapist said, "It's time for you to fly Shauna", which of course brought tears, a close to a very intense year of talking, reflecting, and just plain speaking my truths to an unbiased person.
So, I have flown, and I have landed quite a few times. To gain energy, take refuge in myself, those closest to me, those that give me support, help, and know what I am going through. This gives me the much-needed energy to take off again, and fly....to do what I must just to eat, have a roof over my head, and have some semblance of self. Attending school while I am doing all this has proved my character; one of perseverance, wanting to attain something and not letting my pain stop me from achieving my goal, no matter how long it takes.
I will write about that too...I just need to stay on the ground for awhile now.
My wings are so tired.
Obviously I haven't posted for awhile, which just reflects how my body has affected my ability to do so many things that I love to do. I have written my entire life, even have had one special professor at school in one of my many English classes, ask if he could utilize my MLA documented report, and our final assignment; as his new 'example' that would be used for his students. Funny that so many eyes have gazed into my view of Euthanasia over the last decade plus, and the owners of those eyes have no idea who I am, what I look like, what my life is.
The journals I've kept for 3 decades hold who I truly am, and I feel such release when I write. These will be the basis from which I will draw my memories when I need a memory jog--that will form the Memoir I am writing. (Personal note: Kindred Spirit, I AM writing a book!! And thanks for the suggestion that I do so, and your call of support in that!!) Many that have known me very intimately over my lifetime, have told me that I should write a book. They have known my past, my experiences, and tell me that it would make excellent reading. I don't care about being #1 or for that fact # anything on a best seller list, I just want to put out there a life that for some reason, has experienced very odd, very fantastic, different, varied, and deep experiences, that do deserve to be shared with others. I have heard so many tell me that my life is, and has been extremely interesting, and worth sharing. A book is something that of course takes time, my fellow writers all have their own 'methods' of when they write, how often, and when they take breaks, etc. It is a very personal journey, as is the journey that I am putting on paper for all to see someday.
Writing has always been a stress reliever for me. Ever been in therapy and been told to write a letter to someone but to never send it? That is done is Psychology to uncover the deep feelings we have about that certain person, knowing that we are not ever showing it to them; therefore, the holding-back feelings are gone that may accompany a letter written with the fear that they may see it. An exercise in honesty! And I for one, have wanted to send many of those types of letters, as I feel that openness and honesty is always the way I want to live my life. But I don't mess around with therapy. It's been awhile since my therapist said, "It's time for you to fly Shauna", which of course brought tears, a close to a very intense year of talking, reflecting, and just plain speaking my truths to an unbiased person.
So, I have flown, and I have landed quite a few times. To gain energy, take refuge in myself, those closest to me, those that give me support, help, and know what I am going through. This gives me the much-needed energy to take off again, and fly....to do what I must just to eat, have a roof over my head, and have some semblance of self. Attending school while I am doing all this has proved my character; one of perseverance, wanting to attain something and not letting my pain stop me from achieving my goal, no matter how long it takes.
I will write about that too...I just need to stay on the ground for awhile now.
My wings are so tired.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
