Let's Talk About Sex

Over the three years plus I have been writing this blog, I haven't approached the subject--the very important subject--of sex, when you live with pain.

I imagine this will climb to the top of my most read posts, simply because it has the word 'sex' in the title.

Don't get too excited.

From a medical perspective, we are taught that it is healthy in many forms, to have a 'good' or 'normal' sex life.  Sex helps relieve symptoms of depression.  Sex raises the levels of natural endorphin's.  Sex relieves stress.  Sex boosts immunity.  Sex burns calories. ( Thirty minutes of sex burns 85 calories or more.)  Sex boosts self-esteem.  Sex improves Cardiovascular health.  Sex improves intimacy.  Sex reduces Prostate Cancer risk.  Sex helps you sleep better.  Sex strengthens pelvic floor muscles.  And my all time favorite:  (No drum roll needed here).........

Sex Reduces Pain.

(All above statements are based on medical research and clinical studies performed.*)

So....something that is fun, enjoyable, with all those benefits, also reducing what we who live with Chronic Pain are challenged with every day, if that something is available to us; why wouldn't we hop right on that?

The answer is blended into the above.  Sex reduces pain.  Having pain affects the ability to want sex, and then have sex.

Think of the times that you have been in pain.  What was on your mind?  Was it daydreaming of the beautiful nurse that just came in to poke and prod you in embarrassing places?  Thinking your wife outta get busy while you are hanging on the couch in pain from that fall at work? While you have a headache beating you on the head like a sledgehammer, you are normally not planning your next move with that cute guy at work.

Now imagine that you deal with that pain every single day of your life.  Life goes on after that accident, the surgery, the fall, that month-long flu.  And when pain is part of life, pain then mixes with every single aspect of our lives.  Including, our sex lives.

The desire for sex is apparent when people feel their best.  The prettiest, the most handsome.  Feeling confident is not only a bonus of a great sex life, but it is also a necessary for that great sex life to happen!

Thinking about sex when living a life with pain is interesting.  I am not saying it is interesting to think about sex if you also have Chronic Pain; instead, that the entire subject is interesting, and from what I have learned in my own life, and speaking to others in my situation (and of course to my wonderful friends) I think that those of us in pain ought to have just as satisfying of a sex life as the people who don't have pain.  I am not going to focus on the negative that can happen in relationships sexually when dealing with pain.

I want to start a new way of thinking about ourselves ladies, (especially women-- but of course the men apply too here) who live with pain, and the way that we see ourselves in a sensual and sexual way.  We shouldn't have to bow out of the play before it's over!  We deserve to be thought of as the beautiful, strong, smart women that we are; with determination beyond understanding.  I think that is sexy!  But for that to happen, we need to feel that special something about ourselves, it is deep inside, every woman knows what I am talking about.  That switch that can turn on and the pain can then fade into the background.

We don't have to be on the Mae West couch, with unreal expectations and maybe even a bit of fear.  We simply need to be ourselves.  For the challenges we are handed every day we open our eyes, is something that those who don't have pain like this, just can not understand, and to realize that "Today, again, I awake, and the first thing I feel is pain." our pain is a very big task we must attend to throughout the day.  (Along with doing all the 'normal' things in life.)  But we do all of it in pain.  All of it.  Including sex.  (By the way, I am not judging or saying that is wrong to not understand what it's like to live with pain.  It's impossible unless the person has experienced ongoing pain themselves.)

So, we are now feeling good about ourselves, seeing the strength and passion for living that we hold, and we are feeling sexy.  But the back/neck/leg/head/arm hurts.  A lot.  We have the opportunity, we have the desire, and we have pain.

Now what do we do?

Next post will focus on feeling sexy, despite pain; and achieving a fulfilling sex life.  This is a subject that we shouldn't hide under the rug or shy away from discussing.  We have the right, the need, and the benefits to gain, and nothing to lose. ~~Let's talk about sex!~~~                  

              
Gentle Hugs.... Stay strong~ ~If just for today~

*Source: WebMD