The Winds of Change

In the past few months, I have been experiencing a series of events that have led up to a change in my life of pain.

Virtually unable to explain how this has made me feel, I can say that I am happier, more positive, and much more in control of my life than I have in a long, long time.

Taking back control had to be the key in this equation.  I was locked in, a puppet, a reactor, and I am tired of that.  Waiting for others to pull my strings, as I sit limp, wanting things to happen, but not in control of any part of the situation.

I assessed myself, and saw what it was that had to be done to continue in a healthy, positive, safe manner in my pain management, and my life in general.  The emotional and psychological effects,  that were a result from the endless waiting, the not knowing, the uncertainty, the incompetence, and always being at someone else's whim; were grinding me down.

Over the past months, I have been silently and quietly decreasing my dosage of pain medications.  With help from my beloved ex-pain doctor, and my wonderful primary care physician, my intake of medication is drastically lower.  This is a survival strategy, not a pain management strategy.  Although it is a well known practice for pain patients to be detoxed or weaned off when pain keeps increasing despite high doses of medications.  Then pain is assessed in a medication-free (or greatly reduced) body.

When I wrote the post about being prepared to get ON opiates, I received one particular email from a pain patient that talked about making the decision to decrease their medications.  I found that interesting, probably because I was smack in the middle of all these other factors and events and people that were all a part of my decision.  It was just another 'factor' that showed up.  And became a new friend!

This is an extremely personal decision, just like starting on medications like so many pain patient choose to do when there is nothing left to do to help the constant pain.  This is also something that (similar to starting meds) must be followed closely by a doctor.

When the winds blew in, I was ready for change.  This seems to be one of the best and most positive changes I have made recently, for I feel great, and most important, my pain is under control at this time. The way the Universe came together over the past months has intrigued me, swept me up, put me back in the Captain's chair, and even touched my cheek softly as it blew past and out the window.

I am the Captain again.
                                                   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*The subject of decreasing medications safely and keeping track of it all, calls for another post, which I am looking forward to sharing.


Gentle Hugs....