Jenny Prokopy, founder and editrix of Chronic Babe, has unleashed a fantastic collection of posts in Chronic Babe's Blog Carnival #34.
Chronic Babe is a site where women gather for support, who deal with an illness daily; on a chronic basis. The focus is women who are living with a chronic illness; but who choose to be (or stay) a chronic babe. :)
I adore Jenny. Her positive and very honest attitude and dedication for life, for OUR lives, (all the babes that live with a chronic illness and love her site) is relentless and I admire the woman greatly. She's a motivational speaker, and freelance health writer. Plus she's got the most awesomely beautiful red hair!
Thanks Mz Jenn, for including my post, "Let's Talk About Sex". Hop on over to Chronic Babe and read a bit. Many great writers await your visit. Check out the bookstore, and shop for Chronic Babe gear too!! It's all really cute. For babes.
Gentle Hugs.... Stay strong~ ~just for today~
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Monday, August 8, 2011
Sex and Intimacy With Chronic Pain
The comments above are all fantastic and bring the discussion I was hoping the post would produce. Each one of these women gave some insight as to what sex is like when living with chronic pain.
Mo, one of my fellow bloggers, and I am blessed to say is also my friend, made a great point in her comment to my last post, 'Let's Talk About Sex".
Mo wrote, "I love having sex with my husband. It is the only thing we share that no one else can have. It is ours, and ours alone."
Mo touches on the subject of intimacy. This is what my next post, in the subject of sex and chronic pain, was going to focus on. Another great point made was by Missy, another fellow blogger and one of my great online friends.
Missy wrote, "Not every chronic pain patient feels less pain after sex. Though during, if the body is fully engaged, yeah pain is lower. Some feel more." And: "Once my body calms down, (after sex) my pain is worse from the activity. This can last for a few hours to a few days."
Missy brings up a great point. One that hits close to home. Although the studies show pain is reduced from sex, the don't seem to follow the patient after the actual act. What happens two hours later? Or a day later? Pain that is triggered by sex and the positions asked of our bodies, can cause very high levels, for a lengthy amount of time, and this can stay in our memory bank as 'one of those things I don't want to do again because it causes a lot of pain, in both intensity and duration. Our bodies remember what caused a three-day marathon of pain!
But cut out sex completely? No way. Sex and intimacy with another human being is one of the greatest unions for us, creating a sense of well-being, our self-worth rises, our body image can go in a more positive direction, our depression lifts. But it hurts, right??
This is one of the strengths that those who live with pain, find deep inside, and 'pull it out' when needed most. I have had long-lasting pain from sex, three days later. I am finding lately (over the past 9 months) that this is another avenue for muscle strengthening. And not just Keigels. Every time I work muscles that aren't used much, or for prolonged periods of time, I find myself getting stronger and stronger. Physically. Which only serves to make having sex a more pleasurable time, when muscles are stronger, we can do more without the resounding pain following us for hours, or even for days.
TK wrote: " I figure I'm already in pain, so why avoid something so beautiful and wonderful? Some things are worth taking another pain pill and being up for several hours afterwards while you calm down the pain signals from your brain. There is a moment during sex where everything goes away, including the pain--or maybe not go away, but a distant awareness rather than a constant companion. There is only me and my partner and the flow of love."
Beautiful words, put together so nice! TK hits the nail on the head referring to the beauty of intimacy between two people. She knows what is going to happen (pain increase) she faces the issue and takes her medications, and she is in touch with herself and her body so well, that she transcends just the sex part, and moves into the beauty of intimacy. Anytime pain can be "a distant awareness rather than a constant companion", count me in!!!
Thanks to the ladies for their insightful words and kudos to each one for being honest, and sharing how they may deal with pain in their sex life. And above all else, the intimacy is what stuck out to me in each comment.
We need intimacy. We need that connection. Try to not let pain scare you away from joining with another person so deeply and beautifully. There are ways to get over that hump that may be scaring you from having sex. Maybe there was an experience when pain ruled the time together, when you felt like 'this is just not going to happen with any pleasure on my end.' And the sex stops before it even started.
FEAR. Let go of the fear, hang on to that person who wants to hold you close, let go of being frightened, having sex will not cause some horrible outcome most of the time, unless you are gettin really freaky. Even then, we may be astonished at what can be done as far as our bodies, during the deep state that we can find ourselves in, while being close to another.
The emails I received, asked to be kept private as far as the writer's names. They were all along the same lines as what most of the comments touched on.
We all need intimacy in our lives. Having pain does not need to stop us from this most beautiful experience. Keep your mind open, and TALK with your partner. Let them know what feels good, what hurts, what causes more pain than you can handle. Open communication is the KEY to any good sex life--but with chronic pain, we need to be as honest as we can be. This is not the time to keep quiet, be shy, or concerned that we will not be as attractive to our partners simply because we experience pain during sex.
We don't want to scare them wither! When the thought of causing more pain is in the mind of our partners, they can not hone in on enjoying themselves. Let them know how you feel about everything to do with sex with them.
Gentle Hugs.... Stay strong~ ~just for today~
Mo, one of my fellow bloggers, and I am blessed to say is also my friend, made a great point in her comment to my last post, 'Let's Talk About Sex".
Mo wrote, "I love having sex with my husband. It is the only thing we share that no one else can have. It is ours, and ours alone."
Mo touches on the subject of intimacy. This is what my next post, in the subject of sex and chronic pain, was going to focus on. Another great point made was by Missy, another fellow blogger and one of my great online friends.
Missy wrote, "Not every chronic pain patient feels less pain after sex. Though during, if the body is fully engaged, yeah pain is lower. Some feel more." And: "Once my body calms down, (after sex) my pain is worse from the activity. This can last for a few hours to a few days."
Missy brings up a great point. One that hits close to home. Although the studies show pain is reduced from sex, the don't seem to follow the patient after the actual act. What happens two hours later? Or a day later? Pain that is triggered by sex and the positions asked of our bodies, can cause very high levels, for a lengthy amount of time, and this can stay in our memory bank as 'one of those things I don't want to do again because it causes a lot of pain, in both intensity and duration. Our bodies remember what caused a three-day marathon of pain!
But cut out sex completely? No way. Sex and intimacy with another human being is one of the greatest unions for us, creating a sense of well-being, our self-worth rises, our body image can go in a more positive direction, our depression lifts. But it hurts, right??
This is one of the strengths that those who live with pain, find deep inside, and 'pull it out' when needed most. I have had long-lasting pain from sex, three days later. I am finding lately (over the past 9 months) that this is another avenue for muscle strengthening. And not just Keigels. Every time I work muscles that aren't used much, or for prolonged periods of time, I find myself getting stronger and stronger. Physically. Which only serves to make having sex a more pleasurable time, when muscles are stronger, we can do more without the resounding pain following us for hours, or even for days.
TK wrote: " I figure I'm already in pain, so why avoid something so beautiful and wonderful? Some things are worth taking another pain pill and being up for several hours afterwards while you calm down the pain signals from your brain. There is a moment during sex where everything goes away, including the pain--or maybe not go away, but a distant awareness rather than a constant companion. There is only me and my partner and the flow of love."
Beautiful words, put together so nice! TK hits the nail on the head referring to the beauty of intimacy between two people. She knows what is going to happen (pain increase) she faces the issue and takes her medications, and she is in touch with herself and her body so well, that she transcends just the sex part, and moves into the beauty of intimacy. Anytime pain can be "a distant awareness rather than a constant companion", count me in!!!
Thanks to the ladies for their insightful words and kudos to each one for being honest, and sharing how they may deal with pain in their sex life. And above all else, the intimacy is what stuck out to me in each comment.
We need intimacy. We need that connection. Try to not let pain scare you away from joining with another person so deeply and beautifully. There are ways to get over that hump that may be scaring you from having sex. Maybe there was an experience when pain ruled the time together, when you felt like 'this is just not going to happen with any pleasure on my end.' And the sex stops before it even started.
FEAR. Let go of the fear, hang on to that person who wants to hold you close, let go of being frightened, having sex will not cause some horrible outcome most of the time, unless you are gettin really freaky. Even then, we may be astonished at what can be done as far as our bodies, during the deep state that we can find ourselves in, while being close to another.
The emails I received, asked to be kept private as far as the writer's names. They were all along the same lines as what most of the comments touched on.
We all need intimacy in our lives. Having pain does not need to stop us from this most beautiful experience. Keep your mind open, and TALK with your partner. Let them know what feels good, what hurts, what causes more pain than you can handle. Open communication is the KEY to any good sex life--but with chronic pain, we need to be as honest as we can be. This is not the time to keep quiet, be shy, or concerned that we will not be as attractive to our partners simply because we experience pain during sex.
We don't want to scare them wither! When the thought of causing more pain is in the mind of our partners, they can not hone in on enjoying themselves. Let them know how you feel about everything to do with sex with them.
Gentle Hugs.... Stay strong~ ~just for today~
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