Saturday, September 18, 2010

Unecessary Judgements; More Than Just Medications

A friend and fellow blogger on the subjects of both Chronic Pain and Depression, had this to say in response to my Series post #3 about chronic pain, the medication needed just to function, and the judgmental attitude many have, especially those who have never experienced daily pain themselves.  To quote Caf of Rellacafa for her awesome insight on this issue:

" I hate the stigma attached to needing painkillers, especially when the condescension is coming from those who have never experienced the kind of pain that the person in front of them is in. It frustrates me to no end that I have to visit the doctor every few weeks for prescriptions because they have tight laws regarding painkillers. These laws were made to prevent people abusing them, however this can cause much more extra stress for those who truly need them! I think that, in general, society needs to stop being so judgmental. Suffering chronic pain might make us need medication some or all of the time, but that doesn't make us the same as a thrill seeking street user!!"

  • STIGMA
  • CONDESCENSION
  • FRUSTRATION
  • TIGHTENING LAWS/DEA
  • ABUSE VS. COMPLIANCE
  • STRESS
  • JUDGMENT by
  • SOCIETY 
  • SUFFERING PATIENT
 
Take a look at these key words from Caf's comment.  Are these comforting words?  Do you see anything resembling calm, peace, understanding, or any type of positive 'world of words' that anyone would like to live in? 

The entire discussion regarding medications for daily pain goes on and on, off in many directions, and brings anger, judgment, and sometimes understanding.  This subject brings emotions out of people- (Oh boy, does it!) some become outright mean and feel as if they have the right to put us down.  

The RIGHT?  Well of course!  This is still America, isn't it?  Free Speech and all that?  C'mon, we all know there is a subdivision within that right to speak out that really doesn't need to enter the,"I am right, because I believe this, therefore, if you don't agree with me, you are wrong."  

Reminds me of religion.  Man-made and flourishing, underneath is the sad fact that, "If you're not with me, you are against me, and what I believe."  With all the abilities we have now to write anything, (well almost anything) online, and our words are seen by so many people, it is a responsibility of the writer to allow discussion, comments, and whether or not we agree with them, those words need to be put out there for everyone to see.  A dialogue is the only way that the old-way of thinking can be worked through.
 
Everyone has an opinion.  A strong belief in something.  Yet do we really need to berate others personal choices?  Such as the GLBT community has been fighting for years, chronic pain patients have been fighting too.  We want others to just accept us.  No matter who you are, that is one of the most basic of human emotional needs.  To be accepted for who we are.  What we choose to do with out bodies, is our business.  I am an openly bisexual woman, I have been out since 17.  I accepted it about myself then, I do now, and never found a reason to hide who I am.  And it was the 70's.  Nuff said, eh?
 
No matter what is said about needing to have Pharmaceutical intervention as one of the ways to help a patient, in pain, every day, I know what works and doesn't work for me.  I don't care anymore what anyone says regarding that issue.  It is MY life, MY business, and if you would like to sit down and talk with me about your personal feelings about medications; please do so!  
 
A relative of mine found it necessary to berate me for certain things in my life.  To this day, I do not understand why that person thought they even knew me now, enough to write negative things.  I was taught by my mom that if you don't have anything good to say about someone, don't say anything.  Keep the heavy opinions to yourself. ( Miss you so much mom!)  That person would have not used those accusatory words to me if my mom was still here.  
 
Words can hurt.  A lot.  Do negative, accusing, 'you don't live like me, do like me, think like me,' words give positive feelings to the recipient?  Never.  They lead us to wonder why those words were so necessary for us to know.  Why?  I have so much on my plate in life, and have for years just trying to get through each day in pain; I have the type of heart that knows only words of encouragement are useful to anyone.  Letters from 'unknown' senders falling in that same category.  Why do people find it necessary to tear up another?  I am mature enough and I like myself enough to not let that bother me any longer.  Let those that have NO IDEA what my life consists of, or who don't care to even KNOW me, have their 'perfect lives' seem even more perfect (to themselves) by putting another person down.  Go for it!  Anything more?  I'm ready.  Give it to me.  I'm just trying to live a life that allows me to get through the day without crying from pain, exhaustion, spasms, and many nights that see no sleep.  I am the perfect person to write crappy words to of judgment.  Yep, exactly what I look forward to in a letter.  Really ups the mood.  
 
Now, I look at the words that Caf wrote above, and realize the Chronic pain patient already goes through enough with societal judgment.  
 
Let's not hurt those we know with words.  
 
Let's not hurt anyone, period!
 
I am a dreamer, aren't I.....     
 
 
Gentle Hugs...

9 comments:

  1. One of my favorite comments is "This drug is addictive". Ok there is addictive behavior which is self destructive, and there is physical additiction - which if you have to take a medication every day in order to function is a moot point - addictive or not.

    Great post!

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  2. Shauna, I live in the SF Bay Area and have found a doctor who actually believes in chronic pain so much that she started a monthly group with seven of her patients. She understands, writes Rxs for the correct amount of what we need and is willing to try new avenues if we, the patients, want to do so. After struggling for twenty-five years in Florida with no medical insurance, my husband brought me out here where the state has power to see that people are treated fairly.

    Your blog contains well-written and timely posts. Thanks for sharing your life with me.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Aw, thanks Shauna!! There are so many unnecessary judgements that people make about one another in this society, I tend to think they say a lot more about the judgmental one than the person they are judging! I love the fact that the internet has really given disabled and chronically ill people a place to voice their side of the story. Hopefully the more time that passes, the more people will stumble across posts like these and think twice the next time they are about to put a negative label on somebody. Sending hugs and healing thoughts!! xx

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  4. WinnyNinny,

    Excellent comment, as it really sums things up that are related to the subject of meds and others very uneducated comments to us, such as, 'But that pill/med/ is ADDICTIVE!'

    OOOOOO I'm shaking in me boots!! ;-) You are correct that it is a moot point to be accused of being an addict, if the med DOES help us. Seriously, let em call us anything!

    But I am big on Education, one of the reasons I started this blog. The general public that has oh so much to say, in a negative manner about OUR medications, not even their own, and there is a huge difference between the word 'addict', and 'Dependence'. Yes, it is a very real physical withdrawal, if we were to suddenly and abruptly discontinue a medication. Yet, an 'addict', is one that has such a problem with the meds that it spills over into their home life, work, and everything else, ruining these areas of their lives.

    These addicts do NOT have Chronic pain, no matter what they say, because if they were in serious pain, they would be followed by a pain specialist, and be COMPLIANT patients by taking the meds as prescribed. Any human body will then begin to build up a 'Tolerance', which simply shows the dose most likely needs to be raised; and our physical bodies are Dependent on the med, so if we don't take them, we will suffer withdrawal symptoms.

    I know YOU know this, yet each time I can write on this subject, I feel as if there may be even ONE person that needed to have those non-interchangeable words clarified for whatever reason.

    I wish you a tolerable level of pain this evening.

    Gentle Hugs----<3

    ReplyDelete
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  6. Lynda:

    You have a true GEM in your pain doctor!! One who sounds like she truly understands what daily pain is, and what needs to be done to help live a fruitful life. I am so glad that you enjoy my blog, and I certainly am glad to share my life with you...another person in pain. We understand each other, without meeting. The one beauty of pain is how those of us who suffer, can immediately relate to others who feel the same.

    I wish you a day of low or tolerable pain today...and as always here, you get:

    Gentle Hugs----<3

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  7. CAF!!!

    Thank you for the wonderful writing and allowing me to utilize some of it to help get a point across about pain management. Always great to see you my friend...

    Gentle Hugs----<3
    Hope you are feeling well today, and how is L doing? Is she finished? I need to hop over to your place and check on her...and you. lol

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hello..
    Just happened to come across your blog while floating around, I have lupus , I understand the pain of invisible illness too .
    I will bookmark your blog and be back.
    :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Karatemom;

    I am so glad that you 'floated' by my blog! I'll be looking forward to seeing you again, and I always check out the blogs or websites of my visitors...so I'll be looking into yours...bless your heart living with Lupus; I know you are dealing with a lot. Try to stay strong, those of us with pain and Chronic Illnesses seem to have a very strong ability to deal head-on with the hand that has been dealt us, but I sure understand those days we need to just lay low.

    Gentle Hugs----<3

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