EXAMPLES OF HELPFUL THINGS YOU CAN DO
(#2 in Series)
- Start by knowing what the patient really needs in the help department. For instance, some people can cook themselves and enjoy doing so; as a result, bringing cooked meals is not of much benefit to that certain patient, when to others, a cooked meal can feel like Thanksgiving. Can you help with laundry, or pick up medications? Just ask!
- Make, or keep contact up. Has time elapsed since you have talked to or written to the patient for what you know in your heart is too long, or are not making a true effort to respond when the person themselves has reached out to you? An email, a letter, a call; all these ways of communicating shows that you have not forgotten us. Most were there while we were in the hospital, what happened? We are daily patients.....Please don't just show up at a funeral and then regret the time that passed, the LIFE that is passing by, while holding on to old, immature grudges. Be non-judgmental. Please. We've heard it all, but being judged is something pain patients do not need from people that love them.
- Ask if you can help with any errands. Sometimes going out is impossible when pain is high. Stopping by the market on the way home after work may be a common errand that does not put you in great pain---why not buy an extra of something that you know 'your pain person' can always use or likes particularly. The stop to deliver the surprise does not need to be long and drawn out. That is an unfounded fear, that visits to the person at home will be too much time that no one has. Don't worry, most of us worked or still work, and we understand!
- Don't get mad when we must cancel plans. This happens to emotionally crush the patient already; for the patient is in high pain, and not feeling physically up to even get ready for the event we wanted to attend. This hurts our hearts, we feel like we have let others down. Just let us know that it's ok, the day will go on without us, and remember to try and tell us what it was like. We are still interested!
- If you are lost for words, talk about you and your life. Your life is both interesting and important to us. The last thing we want is for the entire conversation to be about our medical life.
- Remember common interests you have (or had) with the patient. The patient has in most cases, had to leave a job, profession or activities behind, and crave connection still in her or his areas of interest. Just a simple chat about your shared passions will uplift you both. If you are family, bring the latest batch of pictures!
- Drop magazines off that you are finished reading that you may otherwise throw out, a book or CD that you enjoyed, or that has helped you to feel encouraged when you have faced hardships. On certain days we can have the same pain levels as, and feel exactly like how we did in the hospital. The continuing feeling of "people care", and "they have not forgotten about me", could be solved in these simple ways.
- There are times when we either can not, or don't want to talk. Please understand that pain is tough to live with and being available all the time to talk is not an option. This is not personal in any way towards those we love and care about.
Gentle Hugs...
